Why "networking" is the worst.

The cardinal rule for getting ahead is: It’s all about who you know.

Success comes from the people you surround yourself with (Harvard Business Review). That your next job is most likely to come from your network (Scientific American). And that being liked is a better indicator of promotions than your work quality (The American Psychological Association, as reported by CNBC).

Heard these before, ad nauseam? Been there. I was nauseated for most of my final year of university. My professors shared these statistics often as they sought to prepare us for the working world, but I kept thinking:

“What if you’re moving to a city where you don’t have any professional connections, and you’re coming from a university that most of them won’t know (and possibly won’t respect), to be working in an entry-level internship, without the funds to constantly go to happy hours nor the free time to network? And how DO you network, especially if you don’t have any special access to offer?”

I didn’t get an answer (too afraid to ask). I packed up, moved to Washington D.C., and experienced this networking in real time and really quickly.

The first question you’re asked in D.C. is:

“What do you do / who do you work for?”

If any city exemplifies the most efficient version of “the rule of weak ties,” it’s this one.

The more people you know, the more you can connect, and be connected. Which means, in a crisis, you can get ahold of a human being instead of your inquiry getting lost in a senator’s inbox.

The fears I had about networking melted away - because it turns out everyone is networking, all of the time. Happy hour? Yes. The office? Yes. Your office elevator? Yes. In line at Sweetgreen? Definitely yes.

After a quick exchange of information, a general “sizing up” to see how this person can be helpful to you or you to them, the networking was over. Effective and efficient.

However.

I didn’t, and still don’t, have that much to say to this wide net of connections. Because we never really met, though our work personas did.

But when the networking machine was off, there are people I did meet. Like the agency VP turned EVP - a bona fide PR expert but also a Tottenham fan (a fact I like even more now because I married one). Or the partner at a top white-shoe law firm - a genuinely good human and good lawyer - who collects chess boards. Or the effortlessly cool journalist who (thankfully) not only gave me a lot of grace during a tough day, but she also shared stellar recommendations for hotdogs and cocktails in Reykjavík.

Brief conversations without an agenda are the solution to bad networking.

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