Creating nice work/life boundaries

The best perspective I’ve heard about navigating boundaries comes in the form of a metaphor, popularized by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend in their book, aptly named, Boundaries.

When setting boundaries, imagine them like fences, instead of walls, and those you’re creating boundaries with like your neighbors.

For me, this idea was pivotal at a time when I saw difficult relationships as failures and thought cutting people off completely was the only way. But no person is perfect and neither is any relationship, so constructing a fence, instead of a spiky wall, allows grace for that truth. Let’s color it in: 

You build a fence around your house to signal things like this is my territory or please ask before entering. On your side of the fence, you water your garden, decorate your house and get comfortable with your surroundings. It’s your home, after all! But, from your side of the fence, you can also happily wave to your neighbors as you walk to the car, lean against it for an afternoon chat, or even unlock the gate and invite someone in for tea. 

Here’s the distinction, though: When your conversation is done or the teapot is empty, your neighbor goes back to their home and you go back to yours.

You see, the largest misconception about boundaries is that they are put in place to keep someone or something out of our lives. Sometimes, that’s what’s called for, but that’s less of a boundary and more of a block, yeah? 

Boundaries are how we keep people in.